Living with C-PTSD, all day long, every day. — After a body is traumatized (usually during childhood), it remembers the pattern: threat or stimulus, stress response (fight, flight, freeze, appease), and whatever comes next, which is usually trying to “logic” ourselves into a safe place. Without proper processing, that safe space is impossible to find, however. We can think…

Embodied perspective shifts that happen during everyday life can change everything — I’ve been listening to Martha Beck’s new book, The Way of Integrity. My best friend read it and said that she had thought about me throughout. So I must read it! She said there were altogether too many similarities in our stories. And I agree. Some similarities are: -We were…

Rethinking moments of my life… — I’ve not felt altogether myself lately. As a woman, healing from extreme exhaustion, domestic violence over decades, being a mom, a student, a worker, with decades of chronic pain and anxiety, life has been a real journey. I have written before of the very few times in my life that…

The truth comes quietly The short and secretive cameo of the barred owl on Mother’s Day had me prepped for Monday’s long appearance. I have never, however, in my life, seen owls mid-day here in Indiana. But, here I was. In some ways, the sighting of the barred owl was…

Tell me it counts for something. — Life makes no sense sometimes. Then it does. It goes and comes, like clouds in the skies, somedays. Today, I am trying to make sense of things that cannot be made sense of. But that does not mean that there is no peace to be found in the chaos. My…

It’s not really a question. — I’ve lived in the countryside my whole life, other than my year in Prague, a couple of years in Sacramento (hell), and in Provo, UT, while in school. I lived in dreamy little villages other than that. But long-term town life has not been a reality for me. I have…

on an island in the middle of nowhere, BC There is this magical place, called Cortes Island, off the coast of Vancouver. This place housed some of the most beautiful moments of my life. I facilitated retreats and trainings for a company pre-Covid and was able to travel to the…

The truth sure hurts sometimes — When an ex breaks up with you, you move on, right? Of course. But when you are me, you still hope they are okay, even if they did cheat on you. You hope they get the help they need or continue to (knowing their mental health diagnosis). You hope that…

Being needed vs. being loved and the traumatized child mind. — When being needed is convoluted with being loved, we run the great risk of faulty programming. As the oldest daughter in a family with nine children, being needed was an everyday part of life from age 6 on, pretty much. As good as it was (regarding having good life skills…